This is my story. If someone wanna talk to me in
private, and tell me about her/his experience, please, do it! Maybe via Conversation.
I've always been an atypical guy compared to Western guys: no drinking, no
smoking, no disco, no *ex.
During my adolescence I lost all my friends because they loved doing transgressive things, while I was very serious and
responsible. Here in Italy if you do not follow the mass they label you as a loser, problematic.
But since I was a
young boy I had just a little
dream in my
heart: to
find a good girl, get married and have my happy family. But this is not possible in the Western and Catholic world. In 28 years I have never found the right girl, and when I try to
expose my ideals people have always humiliated me... especially Catholic people (women). They say that i need psycologist, that in this world i wont
find my right girl because my "ideal" girl exists only in my head, ad so on.
So I decided to get away from the Catholic community and from God... because God had decided to leave me alone with those people so disreputable. I asked Him such things
like "What is wrong on me? Why i cant be happy? Why girl are so corrupted with "zina", smoke and alcool? Why nobody believe in my same ideals? Why did you give me birth if there isnt space for me in this world?".
I tell you honestly: if I could give my life to a sick child who is going to die, I would do it willingly. At least i give a smile to a child that surely will be a winner, will realize his
dream. I would
find peace by dying.
But this summer (July 2017), while I was working as a volunteer at the
hospital, I noticed a
Muslim Pakistani girl (she was an
interpreter for
pakistani people who live here and cant talk good
italian language) who struck me a lot. I had never seen such a
beautiful girl, a beauty that I could not even describe. I
saw what in
Islam is called "
Haya" (i dont know if she really was a "
haya-girl",but this is the impression I had).
Although I didnt know her (we never talked, or better, we just have introduced ourselves). I secretly fell madly in love with her and i've sent to her a bouquet of
rose (when she came to retire the roses I wasnt
at work, and even if I had written in the note "by Luca" I do not think she remembered who I was...).
But a few days later I come to
find out by other person that she was already married and that she was two months pregnant, so she stopped working. Death came in my
heart.
When I think of her I feel
like crying: because, as an idiot, I had the illusion of having a future with her, and because it is the umpteenth demonstration that I can never be happy.
But i still remember the first day i
saw her: when i came back home, i started to read information on Pakistan and
Islam.
A new world has opened up! Finally
Islam described the world I have always dreamed of: justice, freedom,
hope. And
Muslim women were described as I always wanted: no promiscuity, no smoke, no alcohol. Perfect wifes and mothers. I started to
dream women as our Maryem or
Aisha.
I started studying
Urdu and The Qoran alone, I decided to work on myself to become an excellent boy for a future
wife.
I have read that many
Pakistani fathers do not accept that their
daughter get marry an
Italian, and this has been an extra stimulus to study everything about
Islam, hoping to show that even if I am not a
Pakistani by birth, I can be the right boy for their daughters thanks to my sacrifices and my values. Do you remember when that
young boy wanted to marry a girl entrusted to the
prophet Mohammed? He was poor and unknown ... but the
Prophet put him to the test by asking him to recite the Qur'an. In this way He understood that that boy was really the perfect
husband for that woman.
And I would
like the same to happen to me: I want to show that I am a good boy, I want every girl's
father to be proud of me
also through the knowledge of the Islamic religion.
But something of not nice happened in October...
While i was trying to improve my
urdu, in a chat-room i knew a girl from Karachi.... I asked her about
Pakistani traditions and so on....and talking about some topics she told me that the kind of
purity I'm looking for does not exist in the world of
Islam, that girls have engaged before
marriage (she had a boyfriend and physical relationships when she was only 16), that many girls lie about their past and other things so. These words shocked me!
So, i started to take other
info...and a lot of people (incluse a lot of
pakistani girls i chatted) told me: "Oh no! Dont do that! You will not
find your ideal girl in
Islam because in this world all girls had other men, muslims girls are the same as catholic girls, it's impossible for you to
find a pious and virtuous girl at 28 years old, you should know that in Pakistan relationships are secret especially in teenagers, and when a couple are alone they do "zina". Stop living in disneyland world".
Dear sisters and brothers: I am ready to embrace
Islam, I can not wait to really meet a good
Pakistani Muslim girl and plan a future with her, but i dont know how, where to start and especially if
Islam can save me.