In 1970s, while the West was already vocal about and fighting for equal gender based rights, Indian women were still living in the dark age.
It's that time of living under severe oppression and now, where woman are finally being treated like human being; our country has come a long way in asserting rights for women. Or has it?
I was recently attending a high profile dinner event with family. Needless to say, the attendees belonged to high society with a lot to talk about: in terms of their achievements and plans for future.
One of the ladies in the group asserted she was a staunch feminist and has always been living on her own terms. She surely is an inspiration for any modern day urban Indian woman.She was then speaking of one of her acquaintances who suffers from domestic violence at the hands of her husband.
So the obvious question asked was, if she could help the woman in question. The surprisingly reply was, meddling in others life was not a thing she practiced.
I mean, you can always keep your identity anonymous and complian to help the woman. It left me thinking of how someone can call herself a 'true feminist' and still be blind to another woman suffering.
If you are regular on social media, I am sure you have come across pictures of women in the West breastfeeding their babies openly in public. There are people who support it and few do not.
Breastmilk is supposed to be baby food, so what wrong, it's argued? Surely it's food for the baby and baby has to be fed when hungry. But isn't breast feeding supposed to be a process of bonding between a mother and her baby? Shouldn't it be done privately as far as possible?
People supporting mother's feeding openly, site the right of a mother and women as their reasoning. Going by the way Asian countries have been aping the West, I just hope and pray, that such things do not happen in our country.
There are several debates of legalising abortion too in some countries. If a couple is not mentally and financially prepared for a baby, abortion should be an option, even if there are religious taboos against it. You do not want couples or young unwed mothers abandoning their babies later..
The very popular "#metoo " movement which originated in the West has soon caught up in India too. There are serious charges against men at various cadres and levels taking advantage of the vulnerability of a woman. Of course it needs attention and such men need to be shamed.
But coming to think about it, have we heard of any woman from rural India or any homemaker talking or narrating their ordeal through the #metoo movement? Why is only that a certain section of our society has the privilege to voice their opinions over the rest?
Also nothing against the women jumping the bandwagon one by one, to narrate their ordeal under the #metoo movement, but can they explain as to how did all of a sudden certain acts by the opposite *ex become oppressive or exploitative? Why weren't these tormentors reported earlier?
Feminism by definition, implies equality. Women being treated equally in every walk of life. It implies equal right to education, right to equal wages, right to be a part of every decision of her life and most importantly to be able to live with dignity.
With cases of rapes, deaths due to dowry, abuse at the hands of in-laws, discrimination based on colour or caste...and many such crimes still perpetrated against women, it makes me think, if the feminist movement in our country is even going in the right direction at all!
We have all heard of cases of women creating a ruckus in a crowded bus or train because some men nudged or happen to accidentally push her. It never occurs to them that when a bus takes a sharp turn, there could be a possibility of a co-passenger, (who could be a male)accidentally push against her.
Real culprits should be reported, it's needed; and these days it's easy too. But surely the difference between accidentally being pushed and someone wanting to touch you with intent is quiet clear.
This thought that, "every men is a molestor" and are out on the road to "touch you", can ruin many lives. A really innocent person may end being looked down upon, treated differently as he is being reported as a molestor by someone, and humiliated in many ways. His own family and friends may not support him.
These are cases of Extremism, as opposed to the concept of Feminism. Going by the cases of so called "fight for equality" these days, feminism has rather been replaced by extremist behavior. Religion, unfortunately has been dragged into issues as well.
- Gate crashing a certain place of worship, without any consideration of the religious beliefs associated, is not about equality. It's Extremism. The women who enter such places forbidden for years, are they really interested in worshipping or only in proving a point?
- If someone wants to wear a viel or cover her body fully, it's her wish, even if it out of religious consideration. But leaving a mother penniless and suffering through an informal divorce system should be opposed, so what if it has religious beliefs associated.
- The declaration of a certain actor wanting to quit movies, is a widely debated topic, even more than the Union Budget these days!The girl in question is an adult and is free to make her choice, whether or not on religious grounds.What business and right do people have to call her "a poor victim"?
-There are perfectly educated women, who in the past have chosen sainthood or become nuns. They could have had a career outside the places of worship. But sainthood is something they chose.Are we supposed to question everyone's decision now?
- If someone educated wants to settle as a stay at home mother, it's her choice. If the understanding of the value of your education is in getting a full time job, you really are only literate, not educated!
By giving importance to such cases, are we not trivialising the cases which actually and desperately deserves our attention? Are the sufferings of the underprivileged women merely become a fact and figure?- If someone wants to wear a viel or cover her body fully, it's her wish, even if it out of religious consideration. But leaving a mother penniless and suffering through an informal divorce system should be opposed, so what if it has religious beliefs associated.
- The declaration of a certain actor wanting to quit movies, is a widely debated topic, even more than the Union Budget these days!The girl in question is an adult and is free to make her choice, whether or not on religious grounds.What business and right do people have to call her "a poor victim"?
-There are perfectly educated women, who in the past have chosen sainthood or become nuns. They could have had a career outside the places of worship. But sainthood is something they chose.Are we supposed to question everyone's decision now?
- If someone educated wants to settle as a stay at home mother, it's her choice. If the understanding of the value of your education is in getting a full time job, you really are only literate, not educated!
There are few men and women who, however have truly understood the meaning of feminism and doing their bit towards the cause, thus proving that all is not lost yet.
There are men and women trying to educate the daughters of their domestic help, as unfortunately it's girls in our great country who quit education because of poverty.There are a few others working towards empowering acid attack victims by providing them job oriented trainings.
They are the ones who understand that feminism is not about playing the victim card whenever necessary or not respecting someone's decision, but about equality and empowering all women to live with dignity.
But these cases are a rarity. Once we all(men and women) understand the true purpose of feminism, we can all do our bit too.
- Let's raise our son right. He should know there is no "weaker *ex". His sister can also 'take care' of him.
-Lets teach our daughters the true meaning of being independent and living with dignity. Let her know what's inside of her matters more than her looks.
- If you are lucky enough to have a son and daughter, you are bestowed with an opportunity to set an example by treating them equally, so they grow up to treat others equally.
-Not only the culture; the opportunities and issues of a woman in the West are different from ours.Choose wisely as to which of their lifestyle choices or decisions is applicable to you, as not all of them are meant to be blindly adopted.
- As a woman, lets respect the decision of another woman. If you have a right to your decisions and privacy, then so does everyone else. It's not a competition.
-" I am the way I am. I will not change for anyone". That's great! But are we also willing to accept someone else the way they are?
-Most importantly, let’s all keep our noses to where they belong...on our faces that is. Unless we are in a position to help or make a difference inn someone’s lives, let’s mind our own business.It’s difficult not to comment and share news about people who have nothing to do with us; but quiet frankly, we all know, nothing good will ever come out it.